Monday, November 5, 2007

Downward Spiral

Oh dear.

People who don’t want to read a negative blog are advised to click away now. There is only one thing that could be considered good in my life right now. I have now been without cider, or any other alcoholic beverage, for over 4 weeks now. Just goes to show what can be done when I put my mind to it etc. I well pleased with myself. Unfortunately that is the only positive right now.

I’m fed up of university, I’m fed up of being poor, I’m fed up of being single, I’m fed up of having no job and I’m fed up of having to rely on my parents. Although these troubles in my life have been well documented in previous posts, things have now taken a turn for the worse.

The trouble is that I’m now starting to get fed up of life itself. Getting fed up of faffing around, trying to sort things out. Getting fed up of not getting anywhere at all. It seems like I’m just going round and round in circles. I’m fed up of the same routine, day in, day out. I know exactly what is gonna happen each day. I want to do something different, something new, something exciting.

And yet, I don’t know what ‘that is’. I don’t know what I want from life. What the hell do I want to achieve in life? What am I going to do in 5 years time, 2 years time, or even after Christmas? And I’m fed up of people who say they understand you, when it’s plainly obvious they don’t even after I have explained what is wrong. Or wonder why you are getting depressed, and say that you are just feeling sorry for yourself, cheer up, when it is not that easy to ‘cheer up’. If it was easy to do then I wouldn’t be in this mess to begin with.


I give up…it looks like life is pointless and then you die.