Sunday, October 7, 2007

First Step...

It has finally reached this stage. I have seen it coming for a while, but its now here. And I feel that I’m now in the right frame of mind to do it (especially as this is now more 4th attempt this year to do it).

I have quit drinking.

And yes I do mean that this time. There are several reasons why this is the case:

1 - I actually can’t afford it. I can’t afford to go and get trashed every night. I can’t even afford to stay in and get trashed every night, as I lack monetary funds to do this (quit job etc…read previous post below).

2 - I am fed up of waking up every morning after with: a splitting headache, a mouth that tastes like sawdust and a severe hangover. It just doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Plus I don’t seem to crawl out of bed until 3pm which means most of the day has gone, and I have missed various lectures. Not good for my final year, trust me.

3 - I’m also fed up of waking up the next day with no recollection of the previous night. There will a couple of snap shot memories of me buying another pint. But I usually forget where we went, how I managed to stagger home, and whether I bought a pizza. Honestly, several times my flatmate said to me the next day: “did you enjoy that pizza last night?” I’m like “what pizza?” and I will deny all knowledge of said pizza till I find an empty pizza box in my room or a receipt from the delivery man.

4 - I don’t actually enjoy it anymore. I hate going to clubs with people packed together like sardines. I hate the fact that music is so loud you can’t have a decent conversation with other people. I hate the music full stop. I would much rather sit in a pub, with a bit of background music and talk to mates.

But the worse thing is; it has started to get to the point where I need it. Yesterday I went bowling, 2pm in the afternoon, and I needed a pint. Just to feel ok. A tin of coke or a coffee wouldn’t have felt the same. I needed alcohol in one form or another. And I know that is the first sign of alcohism. When you wake up, and start drinking. And I don’t want to do that. I served too many of them in Onestop, people so desperate to drink that they would start queuing at 8am just to buy a tin of Stella.

And God I don’t want to be like that, to be dependent on it.

I know that no-one will read this, but I feel I needed to say it anyway. This is the first step in changing, I know it will be hard (its my 4th attempt), but I know I can do it.

Here I Go.

No comments:

Post a Comment