Last week Fe, my flatemate, read my tarot. The reading was done from a 3 card spread, representing: the past, the present and the future. The past said I had made a mistake with money, and that I regretted it. This was easy to work out, as I had quit my job at onestop a month prior and now had severe money woes i.e. I had none. The future said that at some point money problems would go away, so evidently I am due to get a job at some point. However, the ‘present’ card was harder to work out. To paraphrase, the explanation was basically “something will happen that will have a positive effect on you, but you shouldn’t forget the people who help you achieve this”.
And this had me stumped. There were various areas of my life which aren’t very good at that moment. But I had no inkling as to which would be improved, how much it would be improved, or who I should thank after it had improved. But I think I have worked it out.
I was wandering through town earlier today, I had bought lucozade from Poundland (surprise surprise lol) and was about to go in HMV to browse when I bumped into a good friend of mine that I do kung fu with. As I haven’t been training for the last 2 months he was understandably interested in when I was going to come back. Anyways we had a quick chat (bout 5 mins) and then he went off to meet his girlfriend.
And as I carried on into HMV to look at music, I kept thinking about what he said, and the implications of it. It me realise three things I hadn’t thought of before.
Firstly was that there were people out there who cared about me. Having grown up and spent most of my life on my own, I am generally under the impression that most people think I’m weird/strange and have no interest in me. Hence it usually comes as a surprise when I find out that other people are concerned or worried about me.
Secondly I had always given myself reasons and excuses that prevented me from going. It started of with blaming the incidence at onestop which I think is justifiable, but recently I have been ‘too tired to go’ because of starting university. And yet I know deep down that is actually a load of rubbish. After thinking about it, I now realise the main reason for not going back was because I would have to explain what happened. And admit, that as a Martial Artist with 4.5 years worth of fighting experience I had failed to use my training. I had 5 seconds to fight back, to gain the upper hand and take charge of the situation, and I froze solid. And I have now accepted that I did fail.
But thirdly and finally, that there is nothing wrong with failure. I was put in a potentially difficult situation and I wasn’t good enough. However, just because I didn’t succeed doesn’t mean that I failed. I did try to fight back until I was overpowered, but I wasn’t able to. I know now what I did wrong (should have gone straight outside instead intercepting the burglars, should have been more aggressive as a fighter when I intercepted them, should have been quicker etc…). And I am going to learn from these mistakes so that if it happens next time (touch wood) I will do better. I WILL do better. Failure is giving up, not trying at all. And I’m not gonna give up, I’m not going to fail.
And these revelations mean I am now going to go training next Monday. Although I promised my kung fu mate I would, I owe it to myself to go. The bastards did enough damage to me when they broke in by breaking my phone, my glasses and forcing me to quit my job. But the Martial Arts are one of the few positives in my life (the experience of which has helped me develop as a person; physically, mentally, socially and spiritually) and I REFUSE to let them take that away from me.
And in conclusion, all of these revelations all came about due to the influence of the ‘present’ tarot card I received last week. The area in life that has been helped is the martial arts (and what they mean to me) and the person who helped was the friend I met today. The very brief 5 minute chat we had was just enough to get me thinking.
And I feel a damn sight better for it. Thank You.
Oh and in other news 6 alcohol-free days and counting woop!